Kayaking with Otter

The only sound are gentle drops, running off my orange paddle, hitting the salty waters of Loch Eishort—a North Atlantic bay in the Inner Hebrides. I sit motionless in my kayak watching the sea haar silently flowing over the hills, sinking into the ocean. As above so below mesmerised when the horizon disappears entirely I hang suspended, floating amongst the clouds. The stories of Avalon appearing out of the mist suddenly make sense. I think; turning around to face coral island—too small to be a mythical land, and yet …

Naddy watch! An urgent shout runs across the water in hurried strides. Two o’clock from me. There is something huge! It’s moving fast.

I suddenly feel vulnerable in my small kayak suspended between the vastness of water and sky. And then I see them—large disturbances in the water. Distances are difficult to judge, I will look it up later and estimate about one mile and a half East of us. As if a huge fish is being chased by an unknown creature, trying to escape with zig zag movements. For a fraction of a second I see something poking out of the water, too large to be a seal head, no dolphin fins, no fins at all. Whatever it is, incredible speed carries it across the bay, going inland. Something is hunting, we agree, and stay well away. Do Kelpies live in saltwater?

landscape photo of J in his kayak in the still bay the grey sky and clouds are mirrored in the water and so is coral island and the shoreline

Let’s continue across the bay and visit Allt na Peighinn waterfall, we agree. Although curiosity pulls me towards the unknown creature. Not that I could keep up that speed in my steady fat fishing kayak. Disconcerted my eyes keep tracing the inlay for whoever caused the commotion but tranquillity has returned, my nerves settle, and soon enough my attention is forced on territorial terns. Yes, we are wearing base caps, and no we are not persons of interest for the feisty flyers. They are having beef with local gulls and are cheered on by oyster catchers. I am picking up speed, lest the inhabitants of Eilean Gaineamhach Boreraig turn their attention to me.

Finally, the waterfall is moving closer. I check the time it took us to get across the bay. We pull ashore for a snack break, and decide to follow the coastline before crossing over again. J is slightly behind me scouting for fishing spots. When I notice movement ahead. Is this a seal? No too small. It’s an otter! I quietly squeal.

The creature pauses its movement and I viscerally feel attention wash over me. No way did she hear my squeal? She is still too far away to see clearly. But. I know. I just know she is coming towards me. Pause. She lifts her head out of the water, another surge of attention. And off she goes smooth movements snake towards my kayak. Pause. Again. Pop up head. Again. Attention again. And off she goes, again. Tiny bow waves purposefully wash in my direction. I can literally feel J holding his breath just as I do. I don’t dare turning around to check in with him. In mutual agreement we stopped speech, movement, even breath. The water is holding us in place. The kayaks have stopped drifting. And suddenly she is so close I can make out the powerful body slinking elegantly through the water. Pause. Head out of water, curious eyes lock with mine. She dives forward. Yet a bit closer, right in front of me, her eyes lock with mine again. I gasp. Hello, I say. Thank you for visiting with us. She nods, and looks on. Then her tiny ears fold over, and I can see her nostrils close. She dives once more and pops up again, next to me, the other side of the kayak now, eyes lock once more. I can feel hot tears running down my cheeks. An eternal moment.

Midsummer Again

Congested heat slams into my body.
I drown in silence; all movement seizes.
Someone has pressed the pause button!
Trees remain with crowns bent over water.
Yellow lilies paint freckles on the perfect mirror image.
A silver-grey sculpture blends into the reed.
Elegant neck and focussed eyes betray liveliness.
Yet, not even the fish are moving.
Suddenly, songbirds burst into action.
A cacophony of sound selected freeze frame.
Everything else remains motionless.
Even the damselflies are glued to the reeds.
I force myself to take a step,
In sluggish slow motion.
And nothing happens, no sound escapes my step.
I am caught betwixt and between,
In this here midsummer night’s dream.

canal with waterlilies and lush green trees on both sides

On the wooden swing

while on the swing
sky—grass—sky—grass—ska
the wee girl sings
la—dee—la—dee—da
proud fae listening
ha—hum—ha—hum—haha
fairies dance dew glistening
tap—toes—tap—toes—ta
song birds swirl cheerily
flip—flap—flip—flap—fla
fox sings along eerily
howl—bark—howl—bark–ba
lighting bugs zoom along
zip—zap—zip—zap—za
cricket contributes to song
zirp—chirp—zirp—chirp—cha
lady bugs a circle dance
tam—dee—tam—dee—ta
even the grumpy toad chants
oak—croak—oak—croak—cra
while the wee girl sings
la—dee—la—dee—da
sitting on the wooden swing
sky—grass—sky—grass—ska

From the Ashes

I am rising from the ashes like a drunk phoenix
Unsteady feet and a chest full of fire
Ash falls from feathered appendages
I blink at this new born world in wonder

Sea harr burnt off by cleansing fire
The cold fog lifted from my thoughts
A path meanders lazily along the clifftop
Carrying me unsteadily into a new life

Love the ever burning power
Pulsating against my breastbone
Force of life stoking fire
I shake off the last ash and begin to walk

Hate beats Love in Scotland

— Jumbled Lines of Worry

Random crass makes hate.
Recognising malice,
Police should not challenge,
Evidence not required,
For investigation.

Action must amount to crime.
If facts do not align
Incidents MUST be recorded,
lest they become under-reported.

Better to denunciate, destroy a reputation,
Virtue signalling is reality creation,
“A cohesive society is one with a common vision”:

Photo of a GDR military parade with all the political elite gathered on a stage. 
Sing in the background says 25 years of anti fascist protection wall. 
The image is a link to the original source of it.

Creator: Franke, Klaus | Credit: Bundesarchiv, Wikimedia Commons

I remember the weapons stopping attrition!
I remember the goose steps and frog marches.

Don’t fall for the dog whistle!
Democratic society = perpetual argument!
Where everyone belongs and has a voice!

Therefore women don’t have a choice
Gender-based Hate Crimes affect women excessively.
They are mostly driven by misogyny.
2019-2020 dramatic increase in incidents: 600% …

Yet, they are not protected by this law.

On the Bus


heat on the brink of intolerability
radiator under the seat
my lips burst in dry heat
even the fake leather is hot
my head against the cold window
scratched milky pane
the city moves past distorted
my backpack on the seat beside me
a men-spreading prevention system
I take a deep breath and quickly exhale
smell of old diesel motor
exhaust gritty in my mouth
and yet
despite heat encroaching
despite fumes
despite stranger’s crotches
I am relieved
For I don’t have to carry time
time clamps my chest
weighs down my shoulders
yet here in movement
I don’t have to carry time
frustrating forced flow forward
is paused
I want to meander
I want to press hold on a moment
I want to go back
I want to jump ahead
I want to rest extended in space
until I am ready to continue again
and right now
right here
I am free
the bus splutters along the road
carrying time and movement for me
my thoughts wander along the rhizomes of life
resting at nodes of have and could have beens

My first Chapbook

Or poetry pamphlet in BE

So I figured it might be time to try something different and put this out there.

https://amzn.eu/d/eOJ1Xbs (image below is the cover page)

Asthma Attack

I can barely lift my feet.
Lungs held in a vice of worry.
Frozen uproar hits my face
straight on.

I am a fish drowning on land.
Breath does not translate.
All energy is draining
out of me.

Snowstorm, inner storm.
Anxiety rising way beyond.
The taillight flickering
in and out.

Everyone is up ahead.
And yet the hill keeps rising.
I wish I were just tired
or a bit puffed.

That’s likely what they think.
That I am a drama queen.
Who just can’t handle
some discomfort.

I’m wading through treacle.
Longing for medication
that translates breath
into life.



An #IWD Ball of Rage

We are asked again! to share our spaces.
We are asked again! to do the emotional labour.
We are asked again! to celebrate ourselves.
Because again! the initiatives are not led by others seeing our value.


We are asked again! to celebrate that one thing,
one man did for us,
for a limited time.
That one thing,
we do each day
without notice.


We are asked again! to perform public gratefulness,
for things that ought to be self-evident.
We are once again! told that we don’t do things right.
Why are so many women not cycling to work?
Have you ever listened?
I mean beyond the act of performative care?


I am just so fucking angry.

Winter Mountain Training

Be bothered
Check each other
Layers off
Layers on
Gloves yes
Gloves no
Kick crampons
into icy snow

Be bothered
Be bothered just so
Stay warm
But not hot
Hydrate
Find a spot
Take a photo
Go wee

Be bothered
Poles out
Poles in
Ice axe out
Helmet on
–Always
Sturdy gloves
Feet sideways

Be bothered
Be bothered just so
Waterproofs
Wooly socks
Self-Belay
Avoid the rocks
Play in snow
And be bothered

Be bothered just so

it’s blowing a hooley