A bit of a rant

—probably driven by the green eyed monster

Why are some so successful peddling pedagogy
with advice that is like Instagram poetry?

A mix of truisms, oldies, and basic tips,
is this really what we are going to be stuck with?

The same things, over and over and over,
I crash from idealism to stone cold sober.

Where is the challenge?
Does this rhyme with orange?

Never mind, back to basics,
just make it a bloody remix.

What is my purpose, moving this role,
into which I pour heart, mind and soul?

I am frustrated being stuck
in a structure that sucks
the lifeblood out of excitement,
as long as we can prove fucking constructive alignment!

Mid Semester Slump

First draft

Existential threat is brewing in my cup.
The fumes of despair gently wafting up.

Don’t judge!

Naught but a mild case of impending doom,
a pile of marking and various deadlines loom.

I am fine, just fine. Fine.
Nothing to worry.

No one showed up to the webinar room.
Apparently, I didn’t send the link for Zoom.

Also I forgot to check the Moodle forums.
Gotta run to a meeting now so they have a quorum.

No, no I still don’t know what that means.
Can I just have a sip of my coffee please.

My fountain pen leaked all over my backpack.
I stress clenched and another tooth cracked.

Brain the size of a galaxy—and teeny tiny office space.
Oh wait, we are hotdesking now—I make a sour face.

Did I press ‘send’ on that email?
Yup I am living a fairy tale!

Our Article was published last week!
I am on a roll with my output streak!

Don’t judge me by my horrible rhyme!
I am writing this way past my bedtime.

Did I tell? My tbr* pile fell!
I think it registered on the Richter scale.

Still not as heavy as the guilt about all the unticked ‘To Dos’.
Don’t worry I am just having the Monday evening blues.

The plumes of despair gently wafting by.
As I stare into my cup and not so gently cry.

I am fine, just fine. Fine.
Nothing to worry.

*to be read (tbr)

The Soothing Sting of Beekeeping: Presented

Wild Women of Intuition Presented

Wild women of intuition.

Response: Heidenröslein (J.W. von Goethe)

Her beauty was haunting.
Vermilion lips taunting.
Youth like morning dew,
Clung to her skin deceivingly.
He had to hunt, to own, possess.
Blossoming womanhood.
His to conquer. His to best.
Too young for opposition.

Her beauty would haunt him.
Vermilion lips taunting.
Skin like silk, like Selkie,
To change into whatever she will be.
His single minded blight,
Leading him right to the spider’s web.
Him to catch. Him to best.
He never asked permission!

The witch was flaunting.
Vermilion lips taunting.
His limps ensnared entangled silk.
”Enchanted to hold those of your ilk
—Perpetrators.”
”And now you die slowly.”
She mocks, silent tears rolling.
Reversed their power position.

She will be hunting.
Vermilion lips taunting.
Oh, never to anger a witch.
A woman wild with haunted eyes
Becomes your nightmare.
With strength of the white mare.
Enchantress, beldam, witch, and crone.
Vermilion lips calling you home.
Wild women of intuition.

Still working on it as usual so don't be surprised if there are changes when you come back to it.  

Thorny Beauty

Thorny beauty
catches your eye
blinding you–temporarily
to the greenhouse roses
without bouquet.

Rough bark,
strong stem,
thorns a dagger’s envy,
lush green thickness,
scent intoxicating,

all so unnerving,
you won’t notice,
the gentle blossoms
—pink—
amongst the complex vitality.

Standing tall within her beauty,
she remains innocent
to your feeble blight,
absorbed in the joy
of warmth and sunlight.

A response poem to “She Was The Storm” by Cherie Avritt I saw in a review by Rachel 0ates.

“Someone is caught outside in a storm”

Back into the Box

As above so below, as within so without. I keep reciting the hermeneutic principles in my head. Over and over and over again. As the universe so the soul.

I snort; involuntarily spraying rain water. Right. Now I am gargoyle waterspout. Hear me blubber! The universe’s responds for the soul, my arse! Well if not the universe so at least the local weather front that haunted my lunchtime walk. I tried to escape. I would say I tried to outrun it, but who am I kidding a lame duck who just had lunch could outrun me and that’s on a good day. I am getting pelted now. Soaked to the bone. I don’t feel it though. I am still walking, yes I have not yet even turned around back home. I will walk until the thunder within has calmed as the thunder above. I will walk until I can feel my skin again. I will walk until the rage abides, until I put the image of the narcissist back into a black box. I might imagine a couple of swords stuck through the box like in a magic trick. Anything to hold her in place and stop me from calling and give her what she wants attention. The universe responds to that image is a sudden whiteness. For a fraction of a second I can’t see anything but light and then the world booms and an oak tree falls.

The Soothing Sting of Beekeeping

“Gran!” I shouted limping as quickly as quick could be.
”I stepped on one again! It sat on a daisy. The bee.”
I added as means of explanation. As if the daisy would bring me salvation!
”How many times have I told you not to run barefoot?”
She scolds. I shrug.
How am I supposed to quantify that?

A twang, it stang—again—and then the tweezers done their job.
Granddad grinned and gently chinned the rebellious child barefoot.

Gran cut an onion in half, to pull out the poisonous puss.
I had to sit still for a while with vegetable fixed to my foot.
And I made faces and complained a bit about how sore it all was.
While feeling guilty for the demise—again—of a small furry buzz.
“Well child if you would listen.” Gran sighed and paused.
No use to child or beast after harm caused.

An hour later.

Sweet cherry plumes—not feathered, wafted with gentle intoxication.
Beckoning the rebellious child into calm abdication.
Permission to enter the Queendom; was granted;
By omission of artificial scents and execution of slow movements.
He was covered from head to toe in white.
The gauze of the beekeeper’s hat rolled up,
Lest the wooden pipe would set it on fire.

”Na, Schnuck?” He said out of the corner of his mouth.
”All better?”

I nod, I smile, my eyes transfixed on the buzzing clanship.
Pop’s movements all deliberation, like a slow-motion movie strip.
My big strong hot headed mother’s father became Zen master, of the Queendom.
Hypnotised drones bumbling about him, just as enchanted as I am.

We all knew somehow, somewhere, we would always be safe there,
In the beekeeping hut.
Arms which each could hold a 100kg sack moving in fluid serenity.
Subdued by cherry plumes—not feathered, and meditative movement.
So I fall into enchanted choreography: cat’s paw and master and drones.

Being a Before Picture

Life is about being a before picture.
Nobody said the After was better though!

The day before I knew not
The worry of my students upon my illness.

The day before I had not yet
Taken one more step towards healing.

The day before I had not yet
Made the decision to call them.

The day before was a good hair day.
Today I am a hormonal mess with split ends.

The day before I smashed that keynote.
Today I am curled up–overstimulated.

We are all composites of before pictures.

In the library today I saw the book called “You are not a before picture” by Alex Light, the poem is my response to the book title (not the actual book as I have not yet read it).

Bedtime

Moments 09

The moment the blanket settles
Your heat is radiating
Brushing my skin
Presence reassuring
Heavy arms around me
I start sweating
I feel my face reddening
Yet I won’t move
Out of overheated Geborgenheit*

  • Geborgenheit (German): a combination of safety, comfort, protection