Insanity

7 am
Is too early to get up
To go on an adventure
One cannot start adventures before 10 am

Father’s cannot be visited
When I know about the plan
And make sure the cousins are coming over
To make sure there is always someone pulling into a different direction

Partners must not interact with children
Because when they do my mask crumbles
My carefully constructed reality falls apart
And partners cannot be manipulated

I am manipulating my child out of contact
Until I find a weekend where father is not available
I can then turn around self-righteously exclaiming the father to be useless
Hurray!
I was right all along!
I am henceforth prohibiting upset child to see father for even longer
I am henceforth back in control
I am henceforth vindicated in my opinion
I am henceforth reassured in my victimhood
I have won
Once again
I have won against the evil
That is a figment of my imagination

Twelve

Finding Gold

I don’t want to write

But my heart wants

My soul wants

My mind wants

 

The rest of me

Wants to just sleep

Revel in your time

Revel in your time

Because you don’t remember when it began

Because you don’t know when it will end

Because the best of times is now

Because the worst of times is now, too

Because you make it which way you want

That time of yours

Sleeping Dragons Awake

With Heart, Mind, and Soul

So it took me a year and a half to find the right name for this blog. I have experimented with a couple of more or less cheesy versions. Only now I realised that all I needed was a prayer. The name ‘With Heart, Mind, and Soul’ stems from the beginning of a prayer, I use when asking for guidance:

So I stand before thee with pure heart, pure mind, and pure soul.

This is my starting point for everything. I ask myself, for any action taken: what is my intent?

Of course I trip up, more often than I want to. But my way of finding back, of standing tall, my source of strength, is purity in intent. We all can only act based on our knowledge of a situation at a certain point in time, so there is always more that we don’t know than we do know—particularly when we are working with people. Can I really know my neighbour? But what we can always know, is our intent behind our action. And if this intent comes from a place of love we can heal, and help healing. So this is what I try with various degrees of success.

Therefore, the point to go back to; the unflinching core of being is: I shall stand before thee, with pure heart, mind, and soul.

 

Rain in September

Memories of loss

 

Shadows of could-have beens

Blown away by gossamer winds
His children echoes in his soul
A love deeply anchored in his heart

Maybe one day the fine threads will be blown back to his door

Don’t teach AI to be an asshole