Tag: trauma

Maelstrom



skin and flesh are imperfect vessels for the maelstrom at the centre

at random 

bouts of anger burst forth 

tears, anxiety

yet the spinning won’t slow

barely contained by physical reality 

I bounce like Tigger just not as cute 

nothing is cute about me

not even the pink nail polish

so all that remains is to shout in bright colours and poetic forms

lest you fear the wounded child grown

into a woman with tallons as sharp as her pen and poignat as herself-loathing

fear not the artist but the art

for it can destroy silences

This is a mixed media art Sketchbook image. To the left is a sketch of a woman with words across her face such as, through the eyes of a child. The poem is written in white ink over the black background The right side is again back background with white stars of different sizes and a negative sketch of a hand showing the middle finger with one pink nail

Taproot

or break generational trauma

Moments 06

Don’t sever your taproot.
Drive it deeper into the ground.
Move it past the rot.
Further into the shadows.
Deeper into time.
Along the double helix.
Let it find the light.

Unsaid

I pulled the edge of freezing
And found more freezing
More quiet
Thicker blankets to hide underneath

Normally my MO is fight
Not flight, freeze, fawn
But this time

Not sure how to be frozen
Or how to unfreeze
This is new

The clusterfuck changed nothing
But letting one run wild with global somatic activation
Not protecting them
Not protecting me

Now let’s all move on
With a festering wound open
My voice ignored
My flashbacks
You did not even react
Nothing

I do not count
You do not want to hear my voice
Because if you would listen
You would have to look into the mirror

It is all about the dramatic espousing of self-righteousness
Masterful manipulation
Nothing to pin down
To explicitly bring forward
That’s all I learned

On Monday
About you both

You dramatically raised you hands
Shouting you made mistakes
I am curious
What mistakes you think you made
I never thought you did
All I thought was that your wounded child responded
In survival mode

What I find most bizarre is that you cannot see me at all
Instead you act upon some strange imagination a figment of who I am
A warped chimera only real inside your head
But you are scared of me
Because I do see You

Time doesn’t heal wounds

It burrows into them
Warps them
Distorts them

It doesn’t heal them
You know what heals wounds?
Trauma therapy

Compassion
Love
Save and brave spaces

The Inner Child

40 going on 13
Channel the teen
Wolf within
Anger untamed
I know better
You ain’t shit
I don’t do fake
Shove it up
Whereever
Girly girls fake laughs
You’re chaff
Find your spine
Don’t use mine
I don’t eat dirt
Just can’t be arsed
Suddenly nice
After seeing mum’s car
Fuck off
You never noticed my scars
Anger writhes
Angry snake
Pale cliché
Yet it works
Me-being hurts
Just being hurts
And school’s full of turds

When we work with the inner child I don’t think we we work with the teenage self. It’s usually too edgy. What does your inner teen sound like?

Historic Trauma


Dissociative fog 
A distorted lense of the past
Violence not understood
‘It’s just what it is, isn’t it?’

Life
The times
Society
Nothing to do but move

Move forward, onward, wayward, upward, downward

Stalwart 

Run, crawl, walk, limp, hike, roll
keep moving 

She watches me 
Hidden eyes from underneath a blanket

‘I rather not.Move, I mean.’

We all stay save differently.

‘I just watch you move.’

I know she will move. 
Eventually. 
Trust the process.
Everything has its time.
You can’t heal on schedule.

Don’t listen, never listen:

To the musts, the shoulds, the ought tos

No. No you never can ‘just’ 
Do.

While you move, freeze, fight
Don’t hurt anyone else
This is not your job

Mind you.
Hurting yourself isn’t a good plan either.

So move, freeze, pick a fight 
A good fight
Listen to me now, just for once:
Fight for something 
Not against

That’s it the main lesson.
It’s about directing the energy
Destruction or Creation?



Silence

Like mist grief seeps into awareness Gently covering the rough rocks

An apprehension of light lingers Threatening to uncover sharp edges A foreboding of healing

As calm as the quiet sea You know before the storm etc

But for now breathe in deeply

The salt laden air

Listen to the silky whisper

Of ripples tip-toeing ashore

What’s in the Mirror?

See me
Hear me
You shout
On top of your lungs

Her
She can’t hear you
Caught in her own prison
Of wounds that won’t heal
It’s easier
That prison
Then healing
You suspect

Two people
Watch from afar
They see your pain
They see your struggles

Him and her
Tried sending smoke signals
Tried sending encrypted messages
You ignore
And scream
“Go away”
You shout your anger

At him
“Why did you not protect me?”
He couldn’t
His wounds were fresh
Trauma runs deep
He barely survived this one

At her
“You destroyed everything”
She didn’t
There was nothing left to destroy
When she arrived
She pulled at the bandaid though
Wounds need air and light
To heal

It’s scary
Being seen
Being heard
It’s scary
Not being able to hide
It’s painful
To look at the wounds

Being seen
Being heard
Comes with healing
You aren’t ready to heal
Quite yet

Healing fractured stories

Forced Fractures

Discard the Darkness

It’s not yours to carry

Heal your fractured Story

Like a kintsugi bowl

Shadow Work

The Darkness Within

You need to face shadow work
Go into the darkness
Walk the path until it has become invisible
And then keep walking

For in the darkness lies your truth

Keep walking
Keep embracing
Keep forgiving
Yourself
Your perpetrators
Your demons

Keep walking

Where there is light
There is shadow
Lest we forget
What is lurking
Bring a candle along
On your walk
And love yourself
Through space and time
When light fails to penetrate the darkness
Love always will